Starting Something New (a look back)



In a couple weeks I’ll be hittin’ the road to a new city, new school, new church, new home. For the past 7 years and a little more, I’ve made mistakes, had regrets, broken hearts, set goals, learned life lessons, and the list could go on and on. The most important thing I’ve learned while living in Tallahassee is that I’ve discovered who I am, who I want to be and who I don’t. I wouldn’t change the heartache I’ve had or the mistakes I’ve made for anything, because they have shaped me into who I am today.

For a couple years now, long before I knew I’d be moving to Tampa, I promised myself that if and when I got another chance to start over and I mean completely start over, I would be myself this time. I honestly don’t know why 7 years ago, I even entertained the thought that people wouldn’t like me if I was myself. I feared that they wouldn’t accept who I truly was. Therefore, I put on a mask of someone I didn’t know. I rarely had a genuine smile on my face and walked around like the world was coming to an end. This went on for four years. By the 10th grade, I had the mentality that I didn’t want to be happy. Some days, if I could help it, I would go from 1st to 7th period without talking to anyone. I couldn’t wait for lunch to come, so that I could retreat to my car and eat in solitude, where I either cried because I felt so lonely or I watched my classmates come and go with their friends.

At the end of my sophomore year my parents encouraged me to look into moving schools. At first I was opposed to the idea of starting over in a new environment, but the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that I didn’t really have anything to lose. I was so sick of feeling sorry for myself and I needed a new start. The summer before starting NFC, I mentally and spiritually prepared myself for this new transition. One thing I will never forget that I feel God showed me was something that changed my perspective entirely and made me see things differently.

In “Facing the Giants”, there was a story told about two farmers who desperately needed rain for their crops, and both of them prayed for rain. Only one farmer prepared his fields to receive the rain though. The question was asked, “Which one do you think trusted God to send the rain?” The farmer who prepared his fields to receive it. God will send the rain when He’s ready. I need to prepare my fields to receive it…. That has stuck with me ever since I heard that.

I was going to be myself no matter what. If they didn’t like me, it was their loss. I was bound and determined that I was going to be the girl that God created me to be: Allison Nichole Morris. I prepared my fields to receive the rain and by my senior year, God had sent the rain 20 times over or more. He blessed me with many friends, happiness, and memories that I’ll take with me for the rest of my life.

I’m nervous about leaving the environment that I’m comfortable in and still a little scared about putting myself out there and being Allison, but I know that Tampa is where God wants me. I can’t wait to see all that He has in store for me. Though I’m sad about leaving those that I love behind, I can’t stay in one place forever just because of that, when I know that God has other plans for me. I’m getting a chance to make a completely new start and I WILL take advantage of it. I WILL prepare my fields for the rain in hopes that God will send it in His time.